fuck “girl lunch” fuck “girl math” a woman is a hairy animal who sweats and grunts and excretes and hungers and gets wrinkly and dies eventually. you have to love that.
there is a demon in your house named CARBON MONOXIDE. he enchants your mind with confusion and your body with exhaustion. you need to call a powerful exorcist named HVAC TECHNICIAN
Being raised by areligious jews with 0 exposure to christianity outside pop culture is so fun. One time I asked my ex-catholic friend why a picture of jesus had a bristle crown and she looked at me like I was insane. One time I heard someone mention the “lance of longinus” and responded, word for word, “Like from Evangelion?” One time during a history lesson my professor described an important monk and scholar as “Dominican” and I spent the rest of class super confused and hung up on it because I was very sure that the Dominican Republic didn’t meaningfully exist as an entity back then, maybe she meant he was a native Taino or something but that’s a weird way to say that and I’m pretty sure this was pre- European contact? Really fucks people up when they realize I genuinely have no idea.
This but it’s my partner taking an art history class in college and the professor looking at them like they grew a second head when they answered “What came out of Jesus’ wound when he was stabbed on the cross” with “…Blood?”
Additions that prove my point by mystifying me because what on earth would come out of a nail wound besides blood. Are you telling me it was something besides blood. What was jesus full of that wasn’t blood. You guys are scaring me
Apparently it was water?? I guess he was also stabbed on top of being crucified (which feels like overkill imo) and water came out, which was a huge deal in medieval symbolism and also to my medieval poetry professor, who was genuinely shocked and upset that I didn’t know. This man fully docked me points because I, a whole ass Jew, hadn’t somehow heard about the secret waterballoon Jesus lore that I guess everyone is supposed to like… intuit
On the plus side, it does lead to some absolutely wild medieval Jesus art of angels tapping him like a fucking keg
a friend of a friend went to go see passion of the christ for kicks without knowing anything about the story
when jesus was hauled up on the cross he turned to my friend and said, in all evident sincerity, ‘i know they’re not going to kill the main character but how’s jesus getting out of this one?’
worms! worms! worms! worms! wor-
